That’s who your prince is

The lady waits for her prince. She has been waiting for him since even before she began to feel that there was a difference between her, a little lady and the little boys. It is an ancestral expectation, an essential, profound part of her nature.

This is true for every woman, in one way or another, beyond easy romanticisms and more or less common places. It’s probably like that, for you too. In you too there is a part that watches over waiting for Him to arrive, to join Him forever. And this even if, for certain other parts of you, this absolute thought can even be frightening.

When the prince arrives, or when woman believes with all her heart that she has found him, then she feels he is Unique. He is the only man who truly corresponds to her deepest desires. All other possibilities fade into the background.

But be careful. We’re not saying that every time you start a relationship with a man, although beautiful and pleasant, then you think you’ve found “Him”. Many women have a relationship in which they are aware they are not in front of their prince. They continue the relationship for various reasons, such as habit, an affection that has developed in the meantime, fear of being alone, more or less practical reasons, etc.

But even in these cases there is a part of them that continues to wait for its prince. It is a part that continues to exist even in women who have been hurt from their previous relationships. A part that is not always conscious, that sometimes lives below the limit of consciousness. That part waits, because she is not satisfied. She is not satisfied with the half-princes. For her, a half-prince is not a Prince. She wants only Him.

What we have called “the prince”, is therefore a “guiding” idea of the woman’s soul. It is actually an archetype. For this reason it has a universal diffusion and for this reason, when activated, it has immense strength.

But in fact, does this prince exist, or is he just a creature of dreams, inhabited by fairies and other beings of fantasy and desire? The answer is that, yes, he probably exists. Somewhere on Earth is someone who is a perfect incarnation of your ideal man. And there may even be more than one. The problem is that the probability of meeting them is extremely low.

So, in reality women deal with men who are more or less close to their ideal man. This is a fact that on the one hand may seem to spoil the atmosphere of the fairy tale of the prince and the eternal union. On the other hand, however, if accepted in the correct manner, it gives the possibility of truly “meeting” the man, in his reality, as he is, without idealizations or absolute expectations.

Because it is good and right to want to find a man who matches your desires, needs, dreams, expectations. But it is vain or even dangerous to expect to find the absolute, ideal man, the Prince without blemishes or defects. It’s dangerous because you risk wasting your life waiting for him to arrive.

What actually happens is instead that the more a woman is already self-fulfilled, regardless of what a man can bring her, happy with her life, self-confident, the more she is able to have a relationship with a “normal” man who, although high-end, intelligent, sensitive, has its own faults and deficiencies.

The more a woman loves life as it is, even without a man, the more she will be able to forgive her man’s faults and deficiencies. And that’s because she doesn’t expect him to change her life. She doesn’t expect him to make her life beautiful and full. For her, the man is a beautiful completion of life. It’s not the “whole” life. The defects of her man will therefore not be seen as threats to happiness, but as human traits that characterize him, in a certain sense inevitable.

The paradox of all this, the fundamental truth it hides, is that the more a woman is already accomplished, the less she is afraid of being alone and therefore the less she is inclined to think that the man in front of her is the only one possible, the absolute prince. Or, even better, she is less likely to deceive herself that he is the Prince, when in fact he is not.

She knows that there are many men who, although not completely corresponding to her ideal man, have different characteristics of him. More men, each of whom has different traits of the ideal man. Such a woman is able to live a relationship fully, because she is not forced to deal with her fulfillment needs. She doesn’t have to ask a man to make up for her shortcomings, her unfulfilled parts.

This woman is able to “see” the man, as he really is, loving him for who he is. Which doesn’t mean accepting any behavior from him, abuse, shortcomings. It means being able to accept the most human traits, the mistakes not intentionally committed, the defects that do not undermine the relationship.

And, indeed, paradoxically, this woman will be the one who, in the face of abuses, great shortcomings, “unforgivable” defects, will be able to say “That is enough”, she will be able to break the relationship. She will be able to do it because she knows that the man she has in front is not the only one ever, she is not the only prince of her dreams and her desires. She knows she’s not afraid to be alone.

Women who deceive themselves that their man is the Unique Prince, the one that fate has inevitably assigned them, are instead more inclined to bear any abuse, shortcoming, oppression from their man, because they think he is the only one possible.

The prince’s image is just another representation of the animus. Because the animus, for the woman, is the unconscious figure of her ideal man, who also contains all the possibilities of realization that the woman has yet to achieve. Those are the possibilities that the woman has within herself and that she must realize in her own life. They are, to put it with a more common term, and to simplify as much as possible, one’s talents yet to be discovered and used.

The more fully realized a woman is, the less she will make the mistake of projecting her animus onto the man in front of her, expecting from him the realization of the talents we were talking about, rather than from herself. For this reason, a realized woman is able to see the man as she is, beyond idealizations and illusions.

But be careful, this doesn’t mean that a man can’t collaborate in the profound realization of a woman. This occurs when there is a basic maturity in both and a meeting of fundamental values and goals. And when the differences are not so profound as to create divisions and incompatibilities, but are instead complementary characteristics which, over time, complement each other.

This happens when there is sensitivity and attention to each other’s needs, wants and desires in both. When there is already a sort of basic realization, albeit minimal, free from more or less heavy psychological blocks, combined with the awareness of having to grow, change, broaden one’s horizons.

When this magical, sacred union takes place, then the lady and the prince “grow” together in life, the man knowing more and more of his “anima” through the woman, and the woman doing the same with her “animus” through the man.

These are the cases in which even if there is a projection onto the other, a projection in the case of the woman of her own animus onto the man, it is not a truly “illusory” projection. Instead, it is a kind of awareness, often conveyed by an extreme fascination, that whoever is in front of us, perhaps still hidden in the unconscious, has those resources that will contribute over time to the realization of one’s being.